Yeah, that’s right. And I refuse to apologise. This is the ultimate off-road vehicle, and I will not hear an argument against it (actually … I will hear an argument, because free speech, but I will for sure successfully refute it … but saying that is just more long-winded and doesn’t pack the same punch). This bus isn’t just off-road, it’s off … physics. Sure, it can travel on a regular city road when it needs to look like a regular bus, but then the bell for first period rings and bam! It’s a subatomic boat bus, and it’s motoring through your blood stream, teaching you all about your immune system. Or it’s followed Bakersfield Towing Company to its next job, and you come out of the episode with a working knowledge of the piping underneath you kitchen sink.
First let me say, this is not a good movie. This is a movie you put on when you’re snuggled up with a long-term significant other and a crappy bottle of wine and are in the mood to obnoxiously comment on everything wrong with a movie. You will have plenty of material in this film. Like how tow trucks have plenty of work in a snow storm. But more. In case you haven’t seen it, I’ll explain the basic premise. Essentially, there is an asteroid hurtling towards Earth, and the best idea America’s brightest could come up with is to nuke it (obviously). But not just a regular shoot-a-nuke-into-space operation. No, no. We have to nuke it from the inside. Because of course we do.
Another great franchise with, if I may say, a relatively successful reboot. My good friend Paul Maddalena would probably hate me for saying this, but I like the Chris Pratt version. In fact, I definitely like it more than I like the third movie of the original series, and if it weren’t for Jeff Goldblum, I’d have a hard time picking between the reboot and the second movie. The first one, or course the original, will always be by far the best. And I say that with huge props to the child actors, who are definitely the best child actors featured in the franchise, which is a big deal for me. Anyway, I digress.
There are SO MANY super awesome off-road vehicles I could talk about from this universe, from a devastating fighter to an airport shuttle service, and so many more, I’m sure, that are included in the expanded universe, of which I am totally unaware. As for this post, I’ll stick to the movie universe, for the most part. And that said, I’m going to stick mostly to IV, V, and VI, because … well … because. I know that there’s the pod racing in Phantom Menace, so maybe, if we have time after covering one of my fave battles (Hoth), we can go back and talk about tiny Anakin and his pod racing. No promises.